Books by Author

“Conflict Resolution for Couples – the R.I.V.E.R. Method”

“Conflict Resolution for Couples”, first published in 2005, is written in a comprehensive and logical progression that maps out how to have a healthy relationship, one where conflict can be readily managed. It has solid answers for couples trying to find reasonable solutions.

The 15th Anniversary Edition discusses the following topics:

  • the basics of a healthy relationship
  • a 5-step model for managing conflict
  • 26 guidelines for conflict resolution
  • making and maintaining lasting changes
  • affair-proofing and affair-recovery
  • considering or moving through a separation

The most recent edition of this book (titled “the R.I.V.E.R. Method” edition) has a publication date of 5/21/2020.

“Conflict Resolution for Couples – ‘Just the Tools’ Edition”

The “Just the Tools” edition is an abbreviated version of Paul’s first book, “Conflict Resolution for Couples”. This leaner edition “cuts to the chase” of couple’s conflict resolution, without the additional foundational and specialty sections of the original book. It also serves as a companion book to either Paul’s the “Top 10 Marriage Essentials” or the “Top 10 Dating Essentials”. It retains the same comprehensive, easy-to-understand, and logical progression found in the original.

This book consists of three parts:

  1. The conflict model. Couples typically have differing approaches to resolving issues and, as a result, keep meeting an impasse. By embracing the same process, they can move forward to reaching resolution. 
  2. The ABC’s for a “fair fight”. There are 26 guidelines (the ABC’s) for identifying, validating, processing and resolving issues.
  3. Routines for maintaining change. While couples will often make temporary relational corrections, they often backslide over time into their old dysfunctional rituals. They need healthier routines that keep the relationship on a conscious level, allowing them to maintain change for the long-term.

The most recent edition of this book has a publication date of 6/4/2019.

Marriage Essentials

“The Top 10 Marriage Essentials”

“Marriage Essentials” addresses the top 10 recurring relationship issues that typically occur in a long-term romantic relationship. This book discusses both the problems and the solutions. Each chapter in the book is committed to one of the ten “essentials”:

  • realistic role expectations
  • creating true intimacy
  • keeping the marriage as a priority
  • maintaining healthy boundaries
  • fostering respectful behavior
  • practicing validation
  • exercising loving accountability
  • embracing forgiveness
  • differing perceptions of reality
  • working towards a healthy, balanced you.

The most recent edition of this book has a publication date of 3/7/2016.


“The Top 10 Dating Essentials”

“Dating Essentials” isn’t a book about how to manipulate potential partners into dating you, nor is it about social etiquette on a date. It’s about knowing what’s important to look for in a partner, what makes a relationship work, and what you need to be working on with yourself. It addresses what every dater should know about dating. The ten “essentials” details:

  • Knowing what “healthy” actually looks like
  • Moving past your own past
  • Understanding your partner’s “type”
  • Recognizing manipulation
  • Mythologies of dating
  • Knowing what to judge
  • How to handle conflict
  • Knowing healthy boundaries
  • Respecting the time for transitions
  • What true intimacy looks like

The most recent edition of this book has a publication date of 1/15/2016.

“Moving Past Personal Crises”

“Moving Past Personal Crises” is about both preventing and persevering through a personal crisis. It examines what makes you more vulnerable for a crisis to occur, as well as what some of the most useful tools are for getting through (and getting out of) whatever crisis you’re in – be it situational or self-created. This book addresses the following topics:

  • understanding emotional pain
  • respecting your own legitimate needs
  • handling the unknowns
  • dealing with what can’t be changed
  • restoring a sense of control
  • healthy distraction
  • balance as prevention
  • fostering mindfulness
  • managing difficult emotions
  • healthy spirituality

The most recent edition of this book has a publication date of 12/4/2018.


“Marriage and the People Pleaser”

The term “people pleaser” has both positive and negative connotations. In an ideal world, everybody tries to be a people pleaser at least to some degree, but people-pleasing becomes problematic when it approaches the extremes.

“Marriage and the People Pleaser” focuses on three topics regarding extreme people-pleasing:

  • the eight core areas that extreme pleasers are likely to struggle with
  • the unique dynamic that often occurs within a marriage when at least one partner is an extreme people pleaser
  • some of the differences between well-intended people pleasers and manipulative people pleasers

This book is written for both the people pleaser and the partner of the people pleaser; addressing both the challenges and their possible solutions.

The most recent edition of this book has a publication date of 10/6/2021.